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Giving Kids the Freedom to Make Mistakes
At High Meadows School, learning is an adventure filled with curiosity, exploration, and discovery. Part of that journey includes allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them. While it’s natural to want to protect our children, letting them experience setbacks in a safe and supportive environment is an essential part of growth.
At High Meadows School, learning is an adventure filled with curiosity, exploration, and discovery. Part of that journey includes allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them. While it’s natural to want to protect our children, letting them experience setbacks in a safe and supportive environment is an essential part of growth.
Some of my thinking around this topic comes from experiences with my family. In this case, it’s a story of my nephew Jake (or Jakey as we lovingly call him) and his father Jonathan. We were at a “petting zoo,” and Jakey insisted on putting his finger inside the coop. My brother Jon warned him, “Jakey, if you put your finger in the chicken coop, the chicken’s going to bite you.” Jakey pulled his hand out, then he looked at his dad, looked back at the chicken, glanced at his dad again, and put his finger back in the chicken coop. My brother said more emphatically, “Jakey, if you put your finger in the chicken coop, the chicken is going to bite you!” Jakey pulled his hand out, looked up at his dad, looked at the chicken, looked at me, looked at the chicken and put his finger back in the coop. My brother and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders…and the chicken came over, as you might have predicted, and bit Jakey on the finger. Jakey pulled his finger out and screamed, “Daddy! That chicken bit me!”
Jakey was not going to learn that the chicken would bite him by being told the chicken would bite him. He had to learn through natural consequence. And when the natural consequence does not have a life-altering impact (i.e., it does not pose any real danger), it provides meaningful learning. Of course, you don’t let someone learn that way when crossing the road or swimming. You can’t let them make choices that may cause them harm or trauma. If that had been a scorpion, my brother would not have let him put his finger in harm's way.
Take a Step Back
When children are presented with a moment to understand how the world interacts with them and how they interact with the world, it’s important to take one step back and just watch it. The hardest part as a parent (or any adult) is to refrain from saying, “I told you so.” You have to bite your tongue. As soon as you flood a kid’s brain with all of the “I told you not to…” admonishments, they stop learning for themselves. It becomes your lesson instead of theirs. If we don’t let children experience the natural consequences with the relatively small things when they are young, how can they possibly have the life experience needed when they’re older?
How Mistakes Foster Independence and Responsibility
When children face challenges or make errors, they develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of accountability. These experiences teach them how to navigate setbacks, adapt to new situations, and try different approaches—all of which are critical life skills that build perseverance and resilience.
Our inquiry-based learning approach at High Meadows is designed to honor students’ ideas and give them the room for ongoing trial and error. By encouraging curiosity and exploration, we create a safe space for children to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. We provide support and guidance as needed to make sure that the stakes for failing – those natural consequences – aren’t too high. This iterative process helps them develop independence and confidence in their abilities. After encountering a challenge, students are guided to reflect on what happened, why it happened, and how they can approach the situation differently next time. This reflection fosters self-awareness and critical thinking.
Balancing Support and Independence
When children are encouraged to manage their own responsibilities—like keeping track of assignments or packing their forest backpacks or solving problems on their own—they learn to take ownership of their actions. They become aware of their own true power and autonomy. As parents, stepping back can feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. I know, as a parent myself, that it can be tempting to bolster, coddle, indulge, and come to the rescue when our kids are flailing. But I also know that micromanaging to ensure success sends a very clear message, “I don’t believe you can handle this.” It can undermine the very self-confidence a parent is hoping to instill, and it adds to everyone’s stress levels.
Our mission at High Meadows is to cultivate compassionate, curious, and capable ethical leaders who are ready for the future. By embracing a progressive approach to education, we empower students to take initiative, think creatively, and adapt to new challenges. Allowing them to learn from mistakes is a crucial part of this journey.
At High Meadows, our students learn to ask questions, test their hypotheses, and grow from their experiences. By giving them the space to explore, fail, and try again, we’re helping them become independent thinkers and responsible citizens. It all starts by stepping back sometimes and letting them learn. Trust me, Jakey stopped putting his finger in that chicken coop.
Back
Some of my thinking around this topic comes from experiences with my family. In this case, it’s a story of my nephew Jake (or Jakey as we lovingly call him) and his father Jonathan. We were at a “petting zoo,” and Jakey insisted on putting his finger inside the coop. My brother Jon warned him, “Jakey, if you put your finger in the chicken coop, the chicken’s going to bite you.” Jakey pulled his hand out, then he looked at his dad, looked back at the chicken, glanced at his dad again, and put his finger back in the chicken coop. My brother said more emphatically, “Jakey, if you put your finger in the chicken coop, the chicken is going to bite you!” Jakey pulled his hand out, looked up at his dad, looked at the chicken, looked at me, looked at the chicken and put his finger back in the coop. My brother and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders…and the chicken came over, as you might have predicted, and bit Jakey on the finger. Jakey pulled his finger out and screamed, “Daddy! That chicken bit me!”
Jakey was not going to learn that the chicken would bite him by being told the chicken would bite him. He had to learn through natural consequence. And when the natural consequence does not have a life-altering impact (i.e., it does not pose any real danger), it provides meaningful learning. Of course, you don’t let someone learn that way when crossing the road or swimming. You can’t let them make choices that may cause them harm or trauma. If that had been a scorpion, my brother would not have let him put his finger in harm's way.
Take a Step Back
When children are presented with a moment to understand how the world interacts with them and how they interact with the world, it’s important to take one step back and just watch it. The hardest part as a parent (or any adult) is to refrain from saying, “I told you so.” You have to bite your tongue. As soon as you flood a kid’s brain with all of the “I told you not to…” admonishments, they stop learning for themselves. It becomes your lesson instead of theirs. If we don’t let children experience the natural consequences with the relatively small things when they are young, how can they possibly have the life experience needed when they’re older?
Peter Gray talks alot about giving children time to play that is not always monitored, managed, and supervised by adults. When children want to play with one another, they work things out. And when we step in, we introduce this outside, rule bounding force that causes more disruption. Kids need more opportunities to work things out on their own.
It’s powerful when children learn through personal experience. No matter their age, children need to build knowledge of themselves and their worlds from their lived experience. I often remind middle school parents to let their children make mistakes about their management of projects or homework. As kids get older, our desire to “save them” grows. Resist the temptation. As hard as it may be, don’t dive in and save them when they turn their homework in late or forget their backpack at home. If they are neurodivergent and need extra support, you can give them the scaffolding to help them. But let them own the task knowing that their brain needs some extra input to stay on track. It’s their brain. Give them the benefit of learning all of its power.
How Mistakes Foster Independence and Responsibility
When children face challenges or make errors, they develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of accountability. These experiences teach them how to navigate setbacks, adapt to new situations, and try different approaches—all of which are critical life skills that build perseverance and resilience.
Our inquiry-based learning approach at High Meadows is designed to honor students’ ideas and give them the room for ongoing trial and error. By encouraging curiosity and exploration, we create a safe space for children to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. We provide support and guidance as needed to make sure that the stakes for failing – those natural consequences – aren’t too high. This iterative process helps them develop independence and confidence in their abilities. After encountering a challenge, students are guided to reflect on what happened, why it happened, and how they can approach the situation differently next time. This reflection fosters self-awareness and critical thinking.
Balancing Support and Independence
When children are encouraged to manage their own responsibilities—like keeping track of assignments or packing their forest backpacks or solving problems on their own—they learn to take ownership of their actions. They become aware of their own true power and autonomy. As parents, stepping back can feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. I know, as a parent myself, that it can be tempting to bolster, coddle, indulge, and come to the rescue when our kids are flailing. But I also know that micromanaging to ensure success sends a very clear message, “I don’t believe you can handle this.” It can undermine the very self-confidence a parent is hoping to instill, and it adds to everyone’s stress levels.
- Assign age-appropriate chores:
Involving children in household tasks, starting with simple ones, teaches responsibility and builds self-reliance. - Offer choices and freedom:
Allowing children to make their own decisions, even small ones, helps them develop confidence and problem-solving skills. - Encourage independent play:
Providing opportunities for unstructured play allows children to explore their creativity and develop problem-solving skills independently. - Model independence:
Children learn by observing, so try to demonstrate independence and encourage your child to do the same. - Be a coach or consultant, not a doer.
Instead of solving problems for kids, coach them to find their own solutions. Questions like, “What’s your plan for completing your science project?” or “How can you make sure you’re ready for tomorrow?” or “What do you think?” encourage critical thinking and ownership.
At High Meadows, our students learn to ask questions, test their hypotheses, and grow from their experiences. By giving them the space to explore, fail, and try again, we’re helping them become independent thinkers and responsible citizens. It all starts by stepping back sometimes and letting them learn. Trust me, Jakey stopped putting his finger in that chicken coop.
The High Meadows community celebrates and perpetuates each individual’s quest for knowledge and skill, sense of wonder, and connection to the natural environment. We empower each to be a compassionate, responsible, and active global citizen.
Age 3 through Grade 8 | Authorized IB PYP World School
1055 Willeo Road, Roswell, Georgia 30075 | (770) 993-2940 | info@highmeadows.org
1055 Willeo Road, Roswell, Georgia 30075 | (770) 993-2940 | info@highmeadows.org
